The right way

Often times, what is right for one person is completely wrong for another. This isn't about ethics, or morals, but rather life decisions that do not affect anyone other than the individual and their families. Choices.

Since becoming a mom, my eyes have been opened to the judgmental views of others. I always knew these people existed, but it was simply easier to ignore them before I became a parent. Becoming a mom has made me much more defensive towards these types. The ones that can't understand why everyone else doesn't do things their way - the "right" way.

Prime example, the ongoing so-called, "Mommy Wars". I often tip-toe around the SAHM vs. Working Mom debate. I've been on both sides of the fence and know that neither one is a cake walk. After giving the SAHM role a test drive for Emma's 1st year and realizing that it wasn't the best choice for our family, I jumped back into the Working Mom world. And it works for us. There are so many mothers out there that get darn right fired up about this debate though. They are absolutely convinced that one way is better than the other - and of course, that would be their way, the "right" way! So, therein lies the reason I often stay mum, because until they've walked a mile in my shoes or lived a day my life, I find these people to be absolutely close-minded and feel sorry that they are more than likely raising their children to have narrow-minded views of the world as well. Sad.

On top of the "Mommy Wars" debate, you've got loads of other parenting debates out there. Breast vs. Bottle? When to give children juice? And after you get past that question, what kind of juice? When to ditch the bottle/paci? When to potty-train? What kind of pre-school is "better"? I'm all for debate, I love hearing pros and cons and using those to decide what is going to work best for my family. But some individuals take it past the point of friendly debate, that's when I am turned off. What's "right" for one child is not going to be "right" for the next. Trying to lump these choices into right vs. wrong categories only puts immense pressure on parents and ultimately results in guilt. Parenting is hard enough without the added stress. Our children are individuals, just like us, they deserve to be unique and not pushed into the "right" mold. It's one thing to dispense solicited advice in the form of "well, one thing that worked for us" vs. unsolicited parenting advice "this is what you should do" or "we do this because it is better". And the smugness that you will witness in these strongly opinionated parents when they report that their child did the "right" thing in any of the above categories, it's insane.

Then beyond the mommy/parenting debates, you've got those that try to impress what is "right" for a marriage or relationship on others. For example, it's just not "right" for a mother to go off on a vacation with her girlfriends and let off steam. That would be disrespecting her husband and you're a MOM, for goodness sake! Since when did becoming a wife or a mom mean that you had to give up your individual identity? Identities are so easily lost in the daily shuffle of providing for others, shouldn't we be fighting to keep it rather than giving it up so readily? And isn't it up to the individuals in a relationship to decide what is "right" for them? Should we all prescribe to the same medicine? How boring. So, if for you, that means escaping with girlfriends for the weekend or taking up hobbies outside of the relationship - then good for you! That's YOUR "right" and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Yes, I'm rambling. Read something in the main stream media earlier this week that kind of set me off on a diatribe. The point of my story - don't try to make what's "right" for you, "right" for everyone else. We don't fit into your mold, thank you.